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A few weeks ago, the mysterious human known only as "Gary" (at least, I assume he's human, I haven't actually checked) made a slightly odd comment, that he wanted to introduce me (from my journal) to one of his Facebook friends, who is also actually me. Funny of course, and I made only a passing comment about it, but honestly, it's a question that haunts me.
Thing 1, I'm a Christian. Only 6% of adults in the UK attend church at least once a month. Many of them are married and a full half of them are retired. Throw in a few theological curveballs -- universalism; praying to a Mother God instead of a Father; being beyond the stage of wanting to engage in culture wars; understanding that the trinity is not Father, Son and Holy Scriptures; and my favourite, the idea that a gate is only valuable because of what it is the gate into, and so by the same token the cross is only worth what it purchased for us, and not anything for it's own sake (say that at a Baptist conference and people look at you like you ate their favourite baby!) -- and I'm too Christian for most of the world, and "not Christian enough" for most of the church.
But the question raised by that "Gary" 's comments does still haunt me. Was already haunting me before those comments crystallised it. Am I such a unique flavour that no one else (other than myself!) is ever going to like me??
Thing 1, I'm a Christian. Only 6% of adults in the UK attend church at least once a month. Many of them are married and a full half of them are retired. Throw in a few theological curveballs -- universalism; praying to a Mother God instead of a Father; being beyond the stage of wanting to engage in culture wars; understanding that the trinity is not Father, Son and Holy Scriptures; and my favourite, the idea that a gate is only valuable because of what it is the gate into, and so by the same token the cross is only worth what it purchased for us, and not anything for it's own sake (say that at a Baptist conference and people look at you like you ate their favourite baby!) -- and I'm too Christian for most of the world, and "not Christian enough" for most of the church.
Thing 2, naturism. 4 million adults in the UK enjoy being naked, which as a percentage is about the same as the 6% of adults who go to church. But the vast majority of those are happy just being at home. And whilst it's something really important to me, and probably to most practitioners of the lifestyle, to an extent it's "we both enjoy this, but now what?" Not a sure enough foundation by itself to build relationships on either. But at the same time, since it is important, but unusual, it can cause divisions with people who don't do it. No room for "you be dressed and I'll be naked, and we can still sit in the same room together."
Thing 3, intelligence. I hate making a big deal out of this, since I know that by and large, it's like height, and you just get what you get, and what you get, you didn't earn. But on the other hand, I crave clever conversation the way that I crave water, and I can't deny that reality either.
Thing 4, neurodivergence. I have strong suspicions but no diagnoses yet, although it's clear there's something. And birds of a feather must flock together, if only to help each other navigate a world that wasn't built for us.
Thing 5, love dancing (but haven't been for ages); Thing 6, enjoying the Lady No Kids life, but not thinking that children are the spawn of satan either; Thing 7, active commitment to pacifism; Thing 8, likes being outdoors, but does not enjoy either hiking or swimming; the list goes on and on.
New acquaintances found in all of these things, but real friendship, that's few and far between. That's...very rare. Then I get overly attached to people and drive them away. And more than friendship? That deep ache in my bones to be wanted, cherished? Well, loneliness is a crushing weight I bear every day, but I am starting to get used to it.Thing 3, intelligence. I hate making a big deal out of this, since I know that by and large, it's like height, and you just get what you get, and what you get, you didn't earn. But on the other hand, I crave clever conversation the way that I crave water, and I can't deny that reality either.
Thing 4, neurodivergence. I have strong suspicions but no diagnoses yet, although it's clear there's something. And birds of a feather must flock together, if only to help each other navigate a world that wasn't built for us.
Thing 5, love dancing (but haven't been for ages); Thing 6, enjoying the Lady No Kids life, but not thinking that children are the spawn of satan either; Thing 7, active commitment to pacifism; Thing 8, likes being outdoors, but does not enjoy either hiking or swimming; the list goes on and on.
But the question raised by that "Gary" 's comments does still haunt me. Was already haunting me before those comments crystallised it. Am I such a unique flavour that no one else (other than myself!) is ever going to like me??
