Wk 5 write off -- open topic -- Contradictions

[unmowngrass]

A few weeks ago, the mysterious human known only as "Gary" (at least, I assume he's human, I haven't actually checked) made a slightly odd comment, that he wanted to introduce me (from my journal) to one of his Facebook friends, who is also actually me. Funny of course, and I made only a passing comment about it, but honestly, it's a question that haunts me.

 

Thing 1, I'm a Christian. Only 6% of adults in the UK attend church at least once a month. Many of them are married and a full half of them are retired. Throw in a few theological curveballs -- universalism; praying to a Mother God instead of a Father; being beyond the stage of wanting to engage in culture wars; understanding that the trinity is not Father, Son and Holy Scriptures; and my favourite, the idea that a gate is only valuable because of what it is the gate into, and so by the same token the cross is only worth what it purchased for us, and not anything for it's own sake (say that at a Baptist conference and people look at you like you ate their favourite baby!) -- and I'm too Christian for most of the world, and "not Christian enough" for most of the church.
 

Thing 2, naturism. 4 million adults in the UK enjoy being naked, which as a percentage is about the same as the 6% of adults who go to church. But the vast majority of those are happy just being at home. And whilst it's something really important to me, and probably to most practitioners of the lifestyle, to an extent it's "we both enjoy this, but now what?" Not a sure enough foundation by itself to build relationships on either. But at the same time, since it is important, but unusual, it can cause divisions with people who don't do it. No room for "you be dressed and I'll be naked, and we can still sit in the same room together."

Thing 3, intelligence. I hate making a big deal out of this, since I know that by and large, it's like height, and you just get what you get, and what you get, you didn't earn. But on the other hand, I crave clever conversation the way that I crave water, and I can't deny that reality either.

Thing 4, neurodivergence. I have strong suspicions but no diagnoses yet, although it's clear there's something. And birds of a feather must flock together, if only to help each other navigate a world that wasn't built for us.

Thing 5, love dancing (but haven't been for ages); Thing 6, enjoying the Lady No Kids life, but not thinking that children are the spawn of satan either; Thing 7, active commitment to pacifism; Thing 8, likes being outdoors, but does not enjoy either hiking or swimming; the list goes on and on.
 

New acquaintances found in all of these things, but real friendship, that's few and far between. That's...very rare. Then I get overly attached to people and drive them away. And more than friendship? That deep ache in my bones to be wanted, cherished? Well, loneliness is a crushing weight I bear every day, but I am starting to get used to it.

But the question raised by that "Gary" 's comments does still haunt me. Was already haunting me before those comments crystallised it. Am I such a unique flavour that no one else (other than myself!) is ever going to like me??

Comments

[noachoc]

Wait, did Gary seriously want to introduce you to yourself? Did he not realize you were both?

[unmowngrass]

I mean, it didn't get to the point of making introductions, but yeah, he did

[roina_arwen]

I recall Gary posting about that. I think the two of us are FB friends as well, just FYI.

[unmowngrass]

yes, I think we are!

[banana_galaxy]

I can relate to getting overly attached to people and driving them away. It's a horrible feeling. I've been trying to listen and take in the advice that says no one who is willing to walk away was really meant for you anyway. If they're willing to give up on things that easily, they're not who you want to keep around. Then I focus on the people who have chosen to stick by me as friends through the most challenging of times. I'm a unique flavour too, and I think it would be impossible to find someone who fits everything I'd like (I drove away the person who got closest to fitting this), but there are still people out there who fit enough.

I hope you can find that, too.

[unmowngrass]

good point about needing reciprocity, and also that good enough needs to be good enough also

[mollywheezy]

I'm with you on Things 1, 3, 5, and 8 completely. For Thing 2, if I'm at home, I'm usually naked, but I do not have a positive enough body image to be naked around anyone other than my husband. This was excellently written. Thank you for sharing it, and I hope you find the person who will cherish you.

[unmowngrass]

thank you

[chasing_silver]

Not at all. I like you a LOT and suspect we'd hang out together if we were ever in the same country. You can be naked, I don't mind. I might try it too!

[unmowngrass]

yes I would love to hang out with you if we're ever in the same country!

[erulissedances]

Am I such a unique flavour that no one else (other than myself!) is ever going to like me??

I would have to say No, you are not so unique as to have to walk through this life alone. I firmly believe that people gravitate towards others, and that even though you may not share every aspect of yourself with a partner or friend, you will find people with whom you will share enough that there will be common ground, comfort and trust. Trust is not gained easily and can be broken, of course, but I have faith that you will gather the people that you should in your life throughout your lifetime. It may not be a big crowd, but there will be people who will delight in sharing their lives with you, and expect reciprocity in return.

- Erulisse (one L)

[unmowngrass]

thank you, that's so lovely

[muchtooarrogant]

That's a very good list of things. :) I also suspect that the naturalist urge is something many people experiment with, at least a little bit. I used to strip down to nothing quite often when I was at home, but being a parent put the stop to that. LOL

Dan

[unmowngrass]

haha, yeah, I've heard that comes up a lot

[murielle]

I remember Gary writing that! And I remember thinking that is SO cool!

1, 3, 6, 7, and 8 I can relate to quite well. Though 3 is something I wish I had more of and 1 I wish I was better at though I keep trying.

Because of life circumstances, I don't drive people away by becoming too attached but by being too distant. And for long (intolerable) stretches.

I hope you stay around I'd like to read more about you. :-)

[unmowngrass]

thank you -- I have just added you

[murielle]

Thank you! And I just added you. 😊

[alycewilson]

In his defense, I have an awful lot of difficulty remembering people's LJ and/or Dreamwidth handles once I've befriended them on Facebook! It helps if I've had more contact with them when we were just communicating via blog messages, or if they use a real photo of themselves in both places, or if they sometimes use their real name on their blog.

I, of course, made it rather easy for everyone by taking the advice of a fellow writer and using my own name in order to build an online presence for myself. Not that that matters as much to me today as it did 19 years ago or so!

[unmowngrass]

yeah, that's fair, I don't really have the same issue, but I can see how it could be one

[fausts_dream]

I remember thinking that was hilarious the that was going to introduce you to you.
Gary human...possibly... He is either named for or the source of the name for the leader of the capybaras of judgment. That's a feat in itself.


As far as naturism goes. I live in a sober house and I'm pleased that under the new house manager the all-male house is permitted to be shirtless for the most part in the public areas which was unacceptable before (probably fear of teh gayz... This program has some weird beliefs). I don't know how comfortable I'd be baring all but I'm not repulsed by the idea

Strong Entry.

[unmowngrass]

oh dear, fear of teh gayz can easily get out of hand! good luck with your recovery and thank you for the vote of confidence

[swirlsofpurple]

Thank you for sharing, I know how it feels to be an outsider, I hope you find a place for yourself *hugs*

[unmowngrass]

*hugs*, thank you

[sohardtohold]

I just don't buy it. There are too many people on earth for there not to be someone who is a good fit for you. But it is a big planet, so that is definitely a concern. I live in a metro area of over 4 million, and i worked with neurospicy co-workers and clients for about 20 years. Trust me, you are not alone. Thanks for sharing!

[unmowngrass]

That is a good point, we do live on a big, populated, diverse Earth, there will be people out there for me, it is true

[halfshellvenus]

I think statistically, you're close to unique, but that doesn't have to box out your friendship and "more-ship possibilities.

You seem very kind, and that counts for a lot on all fronts. I hope you find more of your people soon!

[unmowngrass]

<3 thank you

[pixiebelle]

I can relate to a lot of this. I also get overly attached to people and seem to drive them away. But I’ve recently made friends with other neurodivergent people and apparently people do like me. It just takes finding the right people. Which… isn’t always easy.

[unmowngrass]

yeah... and sometimes it takes making a big transplanting move like you have in order to find your tribe. I do admire you for that. And I suppose I've kind of been itching for that sort of adventure ever since I didn't move to California

[flipflop_diva]

It's hard to find real friends, especially as we get older. And we're probably never going to find someone who ticks all the boxes — but I think you can still be friends even so. Sometimes the fun part is in the differences. But I totally understand feeling like an outsider, and thank you for being so open and vulnerable with us. I do hope you can find what you are looking for <3

[unmowngrass]

thank you, and I think you're right, there will always be differences, but there is common ground also

[favoritebean]

I relate to a lot of what you write. I am not Christian, but I do believe in Universalist teachings. If you were in the western US, I would say all of these would make you well at home with Unitarian Universalists, as the regions in this denomination all differ.

Thank you for sharing and writing.

[unmowngrass]

Thank you. I watched a video about a UU minister, quite a long interview, and... it sort of seemed like it was missing something? Like, it had so much, and a richness of it's own kind, but that it also lost something too? A kind of vacuous, emptiness? But there is a Unitarian meeting house in town, so if I ever get the urge I will explore it

[reidharriscooper]

That Gary....

I remember when Gary said I should meet this guy Gary. Then it never happened. I also haven't met myself either, so maybe Gary was on to something? Not in a bad way, but a good way.

Maybe?

[unmowngrass]

Haha, he's trixy. But if neither you nor Gary has ever met either you or Gary... do either of you really exist??